Another new start

On Christmas we found out we were in fact NOT yet pregnant. It's beginning to feel like a far off dream. A dream that I know somehow, some way we will attain; just not yet. I guess it's just not our time. I see many young girls getting pregnant all around me and I can't help but wonder why them and why not me? I think that is just a natural reaction when dealing with infertility. Despite another failed month, my husband and I continue to keep pushing ahead, hoping each month this is it. With this past attempt came a new hope! I am slowly going from 1000 mg of metformin to 2000 mg. Right now I'm sitting at 1500 and I will do that for 4 weeks to let my body adjust. I would do it for just 2 weeks and raise it, but I had a really hard time with side effects when I first started on it and I want to keep those away. So it's been a few days on 1500 mg. and so far so good. I am having slight stomach cramps (ok they really aren't so slight, they hurt a lot) that only last about 15 minutes! I am still getting headaches, but at this time I don't want to go on medication for that also just in case I do end up pregnant! I should probably get used to taking the least amount of medicine now huh! lol Oh anyways...in addition to the higher dosage I will be meeting my new OB/GYN on February 2nd! I am really excited and I've heard great things about her! According to my PCP (Primary care physician) my new OB/GYN is looking to also start us on Clomid which will also help my body ovulate! I'm very excited to start this, but I am hoping to go into my appointment and find out we won't be needing that after all ;) lol This will be a new road and another new medication adjustment! I also have been doing research and am finding that ovulation problems are one of the easiest fertility issues to work with!

I also want to give a shout out to my girls! A while ago my friend and I formed an online support group for women who are trying to conceive or who are pregnant! Aside from my husband without these girls I do not know where I would be right now! When I feel like giving up or I'm curled up on my couch crying I know I have people to turn to who get it. They are in the same fight that I am! These women are amazing. I can't say enough about them. We all understand every tear that falls and every frustration that hits the group. We don't have to feel it alone because we all share it the same! We have women who have battled through it and have babies or will be having babies soon! They give us the hope that we need! I just want to tell each and every couple out there sitting in my shoes right now to Keep the Hope! Don't give up no matter how hard it gets!

With that said I wrote something that sort of gets my feelings out there and I want to share it!

The next time you are complaining how tired you are because your baby keeps you up at night, or how sore you are from feeding your child...how about when you are complaining your toddler won't listen to you? Remember your friend or coworker or even the stranger next to you listening to you vent would long for those sleepless nights, sore boobs, and a bratty child if it meant for just once she could experience every little feeling you are going through at that very moment. Yet she keeps silent. She wears a smile on her face as if she understands. She would give her own life if it meant providing her husband with a child...this is the women who so unselfishly attends every baby shower and shows up the night you are in labor. You don't know this women by just looking at he...r because infertility is a silent disease. Inside this women she is full of being "messed up" and even deeper is a heart so giving that she puts herself aside for those who take parenting for granted. She walks around with a smile on her face, but inside she is aching and at times feels like she is slowly dying. She gets prodded, poked, and stuck almost monthly and she knows no privacy. Not a single part of her body is off limits to doctors and TMI is a thing of the past. She wears her smile on the outside and tears flow on the inside. But you would never know who she is; she wears the layers of a silent disease -Rhiannon Snyder

"For this child we will pray"