I never thought....

When I was a little girl I always dreamed that one day I would become a mother. This summer I will be 29 years old and I have no children! I still dream about having a child, but I'm now facing the reality that I have to achieve that dream with the help of doctors. I never thought I would still be trying to have a child or that it would be such a long and hard journey. The reality is that life is not perfect and sometimes we have to fight for what we want or work harder. I am beginning to realize how real and hard I have to fight for myself. The journey isn't just about having a child anymore. It's also about staying sane and finding ways to stay happy. It's about learning to not be mad when other women get pregnant and I'm still childless. It's also about learning to help my husband through this. I'm past the point of anger towards pregnant women or those with babies. They are not to blame for my struggles. My husband; however, is just reaching that point where it upsets him to see others pregnant. He will either get to where I'm at too or hopefully he will have a child of his own! :) The journey includes a team of doctors. I'm blessed to have an amazing physician who sat down with me and listened to my concerns. She also pointed me in the right direction for an amazing ob/gyn! My ob/gyn was kind enough to lay out the plan for me instead of leaving me blind! Right now I'm on metformin. Monday I have my HSG to check for blocked tubes and clear out anything inside my tubes that shouldn't be there! Once that is over then we will begin Clomid also. Hopefully that works for us. If not we are off to see a fertility specialist for shots, IUI's, or IVF's.

Another part of my journey is trying to figure out where I fit in with this big world. My friends are all becoming mommies while I seem to be left behind. I often see people saying congratulations and welcome to the club when someone gets pregnant. Welcome to the club is the hardest to see. It makes me feel more left behind than ever. It makes me wonder if I'm just not cool enough to get pregnant and be in the club. I'm saying that in a metaphorically way. We all know I'm cool enough right! ;) lol But really this is very hurtful to see/hear. Anyways...that's really all I have for now!

Finally! Some answers!

I had my yearly female exam this morning before work! I know yuck right! lol I never know why I get so nervous before these things considering it goes so fast and it's painless! Anyways!!!!!! My labs and all that were in! Guess what! My hormones, FSH, and what not were normal! Guess what wasn't!?!?! My LDL (Cholesterol) and fasting glucose! After my exam I got a diagnosis for why we weren't getting pregnant and all of my symptoms! Surprise! It's exactly what my doctor and I thought! I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome)! It is not an end all be all to getting pregnant as (while I do have a few more than normal cysts) I am not completely covered in cysts! Our first step now is starting on Metformin! We are very hopeful that Metformin will regulate my insulin so that my body will ovulate in a more regular manner and produce healthy eggs! The side effects are pretty scary and gross! From diarrhea to gas to headaches! When I say scary I mean who wants to be running to the bathroom in the middle of the work day! lol Since I'm fairly open I will be honest about my side effects! I normally don't have any side effects from medication. I'm not too proud to admit to my side effects from this medication! No I'm not running to the bathroom! LOL I made sure to have a full meal with my pill and am keeping myself hydrated! What I do have is an upset (bloated) stomach, gas, and hot flashes like a women in menopause! I'm also having some behavior changes! About 45 minutes after taking the medication I began to feel loopy and thought EVERYTHING was funny! You would have thought I was tipsy! lol Getting a diagnosis, even though I wish I had NO issues, was a weight lifted off my shoulders! It feels great to know why things aren't happening that should be! It gives me more hope! This cycle will probably not have any results being as I started Metformin tonight and I ovulate in 6-7 days and depending on what day I may be in Detroit without my husband so here's to hoping that the next cycle gives us what we want more than anything! I would love to give my family really great news on Christmas!