I never thought....

When I was a little girl I always dreamed that one day I would become a mother. This summer I will be 29 years old and I have no children! I still dream about having a child, but I'm now facing the reality that I have to achieve that dream with the help of doctors. I never thought I would still be trying to have a child or that it would be such a long and hard journey. The reality is that life is not perfect and sometimes we have to fight for what we want or work harder. I am beginning to realize how real and hard I have to fight for myself. The journey isn't just about having a child anymore. It's also about staying sane and finding ways to stay happy. It's about learning to not be mad when other women get pregnant and I'm still childless. It's also about learning to help my husband through this. I'm past the point of anger towards pregnant women or those with babies. They are not to blame for my struggles. My husband; however, is just reaching that point where it upsets him to see others pregnant. He will either get to where I'm at too or hopefully he will have a child of his own! :) The journey includes a team of doctors. I'm blessed to have an amazing physician who sat down with me and listened to my concerns. She also pointed me in the right direction for an amazing ob/gyn! My ob/gyn was kind enough to lay out the plan for me instead of leaving me blind! Right now I'm on metformin. Monday I have my HSG to check for blocked tubes and clear out anything inside my tubes that shouldn't be there! Once that is over then we will begin Clomid also. Hopefully that works for us. If not we are off to see a fertility specialist for shots, IUI's, or IVF's.

Another part of my journey is trying to figure out where I fit in with this big world. My friends are all becoming mommies while I seem to be left behind. I often see people saying congratulations and welcome to the club when someone gets pregnant. Welcome to the club is the hardest to see. It makes me feel more left behind than ever. It makes me wonder if I'm just not cool enough to get pregnant and be in the club. I'm saying that in a metaphorically way. We all know I'm cool enough right! ;) lol But really this is very hurtful to see/hear. Anyways...that's really all I have for now!